Age old adage

It's so fucking cliche for me to write about how looks don't matter.

But really, it is the absolute truth. Well, in some ways.

This is more of a different kind of viewpoint into why looks don't always matter at the end of the day. Honestly speaking.

I have friends who constantly talk about how their looks far surpass someone else--whether it be someone who's taken that they're pining for, or about a significant other who doesn't seem to pay too much attention to them. Whatever situation they're in they seem to be obsessed with the idea that they don't deserve to be treated a certain way because they, in their very own words, say "I'm way hotter anyway" or "I can do so much better" or anything along the lines of why they think they're the shit.

Pretty much, for a lot of people I know unfortunately, they think their looks should dictate exactly everything in life for them--from the amount of attention they believe they deserve, or why the taken person they want to be with won't leave their partners for my friends.

It's very common. It's nothing new. And who can blame my friends, or anyone else who has these viewpoints? That's just how society has molded us. Looks ruled everything for them. If you look a certain way, you'll definitely be treated differently. I absolutely believe that. I myself have definitely encountered that over the past several years, from my professional career to my social life.

But here's the thing that people don't realize: you can be the hottest thing in the world, but the second you show your crazy side, people are going to run across the nation from you, regardless of whether you got a body that puts Gigi Hadid to shame.

One of my best friends is constantly voicing this perception any time he feels like his partner isn't treating him a certain way, or the way that he would like. For example, whenever he complains about how his partner isn't being affectionate enough, or is being "mean" to him, he's always right away bitching about how "he knows he could do so much better."

"Everyone knows I'm way hotter than him---I'm the way hotter one in the relationship," he'd always bitch. "I can leave him and find someone else any time I want, and he has no idea."

Right, then why are you staying with him if that's exactly what you believe? You're answering your own question. You can think all you want that you're the so-called "hotter" one in the relationship, but how has that really been working out for you? Clearly you decided to give him a chance and stayed with him, even though you like to think you're too good for him, right? Then it wasn't clearly only his looks that you looked at as well, right? If that's what you think, and you're basing a relationship clearly off only one aspect, which is appearance, then you're not with him for the right reasons, and neither is he. If that was the case, then everyone in the world would only be in relationships with people that they believe match their own perceived level of attractiveness.

Everyone would be with those people with looks that they believe they deserve. Isn't that insane?

Another one of my friends is tremulously in love with someone who's got a fiancee and a child. The relationship she's developed with the person is extremely one-sided, meaning that she's in love with someone who'll literally never love her back. She is still waiting for the day that he will somehow eventually fall back in love with her and leave his fiancee for her, but sadly, she doesn't realize that day will never come. Besides, that's really no way to get someone--by being a homewrecker.

Every time her coworker's fiancee comes into their workplace, she's constantly telling others, "I'd smash that girl's looks---I'm way hotter than she is. What the hell does he see in her that he doesn't seen in me?"

Your personality. Your demeanor. The idea that you believe that you're entitled to someone else's significant other because of the way you perceive yourself and because for some reason, you think your appearance alone should wreck someone else's relationship. It's because you think you deserve to be with someone who clearly doesn't want to be with you, simply because you think you're so much hotter than the person they are engaged to.

These are the reasons why my friends tend to be miserable. It's because they truly believe they deserve to be treated in some sort of fashion because of the way they perceive themselves.

The world doesn't owe you shit. Nobody has to be with you. Nobody has to like you, and nobody should, especially when that's your personality and demeanor. I don't care if your tits pop out of your turtleneck---your arrogance is ugly enough to turn anyone off.

What's worse about the situation is the fact that as much as I'm spilling my friends' teas, I realize that I have become the exact same person as well.

Looks have always been an important factor in my book. I'd always tell people that those who keep saying that looks don't matter are the biggest fucking liars on the planet. You wouldn't fuck someone or be with someone or approach someone that you weren't initially the least bit attracted to. Come the fuck on. Let's grow up here.

I do believe that is true to an extent. Do I really believe that if I didn't have my glo-up within the last two years since after I lost all my weight and started really learning how to do the proper cat-eye liner on my tiny, eyelid-less eyes, that I'd gain the confidence that I have now? Do I really believe that people who approach me at bars and buy me drinks or try and text me after years of not speaking to me would've happened if I didn't somewhat at least try and care about my appearance a little bit? Please.

I am definitely just like my friends. I used to look at couples and think that most were in relationships with those who are at least the equally as attractive as the other. There's a certain level of equal attractiveness to both parties, so for me, it made sense as to why they were together. Then I'd look at my own self, and try and rate exactly how attractive every person I've ever liked really was. Then I'd wonder if I stacked up to them, or if they'd stack up to me. I'd always wonder if I was "hot enough" for the person I was trying to get with. I'd always measure my chances with someone with the wrong units of measure.

The one thing I always wrestle with is trying to measure whether the level of someone's attractiveness or demeanor would cause a person to either a) relegate them into nothing more than a piece of ass, or b) someone that you'd actually try to actively pursue.

Which is it?

I've always been obsessed with trying to figure out whether I look like choice A) or B). Little did I know, it has very little to do with looks.

And there are always those people who try and make you feel better about rejection by saying "Oh well you could do better." Guess what, betterment isn't measured by what you believe matches with someone else's intellect, physical appearance or professional career choices. It's more than that. You can have all the equipment in the world that you might think would make you a winner in someone else's book, or a trophy in someone else's life, but if there's something about you that turns someone else off, something more important, like availability or clinginess, then none of that shit matters, and everything is out the fucking window.

Most recently, after realizing that this budding fling I had a few months ago was going to fall flat (or more so, he stopped being interested in me), I couldn't believe it for weeks. I kept thinking, "What the hell is his deal---Oh well I'm way too good for him anyway. He couldn't even come close to what I know I deserve."

I kept thinking, what on earth about me turned him off? Was I not hot enough? What did I do?

I kept trying to make myself feel better by telling myself that I was way too "hot" and "successful" and too "good" for him. In reality, deep down inside, I felt pathetic, and realized that no matter how hot you think you are, there's always going to be something about you that they realize they aren't down for and isn't interested in pursuing anymore. It's not about your looks---it's about the way you make them feel, and if they realize that they're really not down anymore, then that's it. It doesn't matter how hot you think you are, it wasn't about that.

Clearly there was something about you that turned them off, and all the looks and eyeliner in the world isn't going to change any of that.

I am realizing now that someone can be the hottest thing in the world, but if their personality falls flat, I have absolutely zero interest in them. I realize that I'm way more attracted to different things about people beyond looks. This is something I've wrestled with for awhile after I hit my 20s, but it's something that's become more and more relevant to me now, way more than ever.

I shouldn't look at people as levels of attractiveness to conquer, I shouldn't think that I deserve a person at a certain level of attractiveness, and I should never be arrogant, nor should I think the world owes me something just because I think I meet a certain level of attractiveness requirement.

Bullshit. The world doesn't owe us shit.

As far as thinking about what kinds of people to pursue or make room for in your life, I do not know the answer to that any longer. But I do know one thing---looks shouldn't take first place, nor should it dictate the way you treat others or believe how you think you deserve to be treated.