I know I've been really apprehensive and worried about this move for so long after the initial acceptance high had worn off and become lackluster news, but I think I'm now starting to get excited. I'm not really sure what it is...maybe it's because I've been so tired of being bored at home the past 5 months since I quit my job (because, let's face it, I haven't gotten ANYTHING done or accomplished, I didn't even bother doing anything fun this entire summer). I still get worried about my inevitable depression that sets in every fall when I move to a new environment but I have the weird feeling that this time it might be different. Or at least, I'm praying it will be. I'm going to miss my parents and a few close friends but other than that, I think I'm ready to take on a new life and a new journey. It's going to be a crazy journey that awaits me and I'm going to start embracing it.

I want new responsibilities, new goals, a new mindset, new everything. I'm going to start over afresh, leave behind everything in my past, and start a new chapter in my life. I'm going to embrace new ideas and enjoy living in a different area once again. I was really able to embrace the Santa Cruz culture and who's to say I can't do the same with east coast culture? I know I've had my crippling doubts about how to make friends, how to adjust, how to fight being homesick, how to fight being lonely or depressed, but honestly speaking that's all part of a brand new experience. There's no point crying or worrying about it because that's just how you deal with things. It's going to happen whether we want it or not, so why not try to look at the positives and realize that there's still so much left in this world in our lifetime that we need to discover and experience? Yeah there are going to be days we feel stuck, lonely, or depressed, but does it mean that it's going to hinder us from fully living our lives? No. You go out there and deal with it. Everyone deals with it. I've dealt with it...and if I have to deal with it again, then I'm going to do it.

You can't be afraid to live life just because of old patterns or memories. You can't be afraid to live life just because you have doubts and worries. Everyone has them whether they move far away from home or not. It happens. You can't be afraid. Period. You just have to do it.

I think I'm ready to leave this town.