I just recently signed up for Kaplan GRE classes for the next 5 weeks. Today is the 2nd session and so far, it hasn't really been a bag of gummy bears. For one, I feel as though I am the only one in my class of 15 or so people who is the only one seeking an MA in the Humanities department, whereas the rest of my class (judging from what I overheard in conversations with each other or just voluntary information) that they are all seeking programs in what I so fondly refer to as the "practical/lucrative" field of study. Think, science, mathematics, engineering, you name it.

I already got judged so hard by this one Asian chick who sat next to me on my first Monday evening class. During my break as I was hungrily wolfing down my sandwich and crunching hard on the bag of kettle cooked potato chips from Panera (seeing as though we only had a 5 minute break to shove any bit of nutrition down our gullets), she interrupted my scarf fest to ask me the same question everyone has been asking me:

So what are you studying the GRE's for? What are you trying to study for your MA?

English, I reply, my mouth smacking on the remnants of the few potato chips. I swallow and then say, 'I did my undergrad in English.'

To that, which she responded with a slight snigger, Oh, so do you want to be a teacher?

Becoming quite weary of the same old hackneyed question imposed upon English students everywhere, I shook my head emphatically, for the umpteenth time, and tell her that it was either apply for law school or take the GREs, but that I am open to the former as well once I finish my prospective graduate program.

'I just want to keep going to school, I guess," I tell her.

Oh, so are you just going to marry rich?

Um, excuse me bitch? How the hell did you jump to THAT conclusion? So are you assuming that just because I'm going to keep going to school, I won't be working and it means that I don't care about making my own future or any money? Who the hell are you to judge of my lifestyle choices? If anything, I commend myself for wishing to seek higher education and not just stop after my undergraduate career. What the hell are you fucking implying? And not everyone wants to fucking get married you know, or rely on someone else for income. I'm sorry that I want multiple degrees, and I don't see what concern it is of yours to judge the hell out of me. Where the hell do you get off?

I gave her a weird look that screamed, "Are you fucking serious?" and just turned away, but not before coldly replying to her scathing question, There's nothing wrong with just wanting to go to school, you know.

I hate people. Or more like, I hate people who think my major is worthless/useless. I mean, I'm sure it's extremely true to an extent, but it's not right for someone to look down on me just because of the path I chose in education. I've been dealing with this for the major bulk of my college career, and I always feel so inadequate once someone tries to knock me down. I then blame myself for not being smart enough in the other practical/useful areas of study and feel so much more hopeless. I always feel as though I'm digging my own grave after I talk to these kinds of people. It makes me feel so much worse about myself, or that I will never be able to contribute to society. It makes me feel as though I wasted so much of my parents income to pay for a tuition and a degree that will secure me absolutely nothing, except for the jeers from fellow students, taunting me because I will be broke for the rest of my life, because nobody cares about how much of contemporary English literature I've studied for the past 4 years.

This is something I've been wrestling with for a very, very long time. And Monday's encounter really reinforced my anxieties and frustration once again. Why do I have to feel threatened just because I don't have a practical/lucrative major that will only promise me a position of teaching? I'm sorry that I'm not good at math or science. I'm sorry that this is all I'm good at, but I'm willing to take it further if it means having a better resume. What if I want to do something other than teach? What if I want to get into journalism, hm? What concern is it of yours?

And most of all, what if marriage is the LAST thing on my mind as a fucking goal, unlike your prissy ass?

That bitch better not sit next to me today.