John's fish Demetria (the fish was originally named Demetri after a stand up comedian John is so fond of but we found out he was pregnant, so we re-named her Demetria) died last night. She had just borne 7 baby fish too last week. She is survived by her baby daddy (Kevin's fish Andre) and her four remaining children. We had a small funeral ceremony in the downstairs bathroom, had a eulogy, poured one out for the homie, and threw rose petals down the toilet for a proper sendoff. It was the strangest memorial service I've ever attended.

I'm just glad the toilet didn't clog with all the shit we threw down there, including the dead fish. We've been having a lot of problems with both the upstairs and downstairs toilet.