I had literally everything that I wanted, everything I worked so hard for in the past six years. The 20-year-old Gina had a long list of dreams and everything she envisioned for herself to accomplish someday, and she did it. She achieved all of it.

However, the problem seems to be that the present day Gina, almost 26-years-old, doesn't really know if reaching her goals made her any happier. She literally has everything that the 20-year-old Gina dreamed about, but none of it means anything to her any longer. And she isn't sure why. Maybe it's because she quit doing the thing that used to make her so happy, the thing that helped her analyze her past, current and future situations, the thing that actually helped her understand her life better than anything else. The thing that reminded her of her goals, dreams, aspirations and accomplishments. The thing that God bestowed upon her as a gift, a passion that burned hotter than any other flame of desire in her life.

She quit writing.

And since then, she hasn't been able to fully grasp her life, or at least gain some understanding of it. It left her confused, made her attempts to write feel clumsy and awkward. She knew it wasn't real, because it didn't feel real. It's funny that her new years resolution for 2015 was to "write more again," and she still didn't do it. She abandoned it for another year. And since then, 2015 has been an emotional rocky roller coaster schoolyard bully of a year where she was so angry, confused and anxious about everything happening in her life. She didn't know how to deal with it, because her old remedy for dealing with situations didn't seem to work for her anymore. So since then she's been aimlessly trudging through life, bumping into roadblocks, getting rained on and not knowing how on earth to understand why such things were happening. She didn't know how to hash it out, analyze it or even make attempts to sort through the rubble. All she did was claim that she was dead inside as soon as each obstacle in life took away a piece of her soul, little by little every day until there was nothing left.

20-year-old Gina would be so sad and disappointed.