I'm fine the way I am. I don't need to change myself. I don't know why I felt the need to change myself. I don't know why I felt the need to be "different" or "re-invent" myself. After all, no changes are ever embedded into your brain; they're just called stages or phases for a reason. You think you like something or you think you're someone but you're actually not. You're still you, deep down. And nobody else can ever take that away from you. No one can ever change you, only you can change yourself.

There's nothing wrong with me. I don't have to pretend to like things or hate things just because I feel as though there's some sort of standard I have to meet. I don't need to please anyone but myself. I realized for the past two years I always tried to change small things about me because I thought embracing new changes would be helpful. I think I took that a little too far and eventually turned into something I actually wasn't. I pretended that I was being an adult and growing up or being responsible but it turned me into a boring, uptight, Negative Nancy freak who claims she can't do certain things anymore because she feels as though she's "getting old" or doesn't like going out anymore. Pfft, whatever. There's nothing wrong with having fun. There's also nothing wrong with being a shut-in but at the same time I don't have to constantly force myself to grow up by not letting myself have fun.

I know the fine line between not caring about anything important vs. having your shit together but also letting yourself relax and have fun at the same time. Nobody's forcing me to change my ways or grow up. I chose that path myself. I thought that was the expected "adult" thing to do, and I realize how much unhappier I was at times. I'm not saying I'm going to revert to my old reckless ways but more so coming to terms with the fact that I don't have to be boring in order to feel like an adult. Fuck that. I love my friends. I love being around them. I deserve to be in good company frequently.

I'm fine the way I am. I always was. And I always will be.