Ever since I got back home from graduation I had a revelation: I just gained way too much weight as soon as swim season ended back in February. All the cute clothes I bought during season just didn't fit anymore. My favorite True Religion shorts didn't fit my fat ass anymore. I had to literally do the sit-and-breathe test every time I poured myself into them, then struggle with the zipper and be horrified as soon as I found out it wouldn't budge. I looked at the mirror and hated what I saw.

A whale.

A fat fucking whale.

A complete blimp.

Weight is something I've always struggled with as soon as I hit my teens. I've always had weight stay the same no matter how much I tried to watch what I eat and hit the gym or the pool religiously. For someone as competitive as an athlete as I am, I was just way too large. And I knew it. I hated the fact that I was so fat just in time for my college graduation. I was way too embarrassed to buy my Grad Image photos because my face looked like a pink balloon. It was embarrassing. Who on earth at the age of 23 has to struggle with weight, especially when metabolism should be skyrocketing during our youth? Isn't weight something you deal with after you have kids when you had your 40s or so? I mean, my mother is well over 54 and she's 120 lbs standing at the height of 5'8, who's never worked out a day in her life?! So what the hell is my problem? What's MY excuse? Do I have a gland problem?

I knew what it was.

The midnight munchies after smoking 6 bowls with my housemates or other college friends.
This horrible habit of mine kept on for 4 months post-swimming career. I did it to myself, and if I want to get the body that I've always wanted, as tough as it is, I have to do it.

I decided to make this summer my time to finally drop the stupid weight. I want to fit into my clothes again. I don't want shopping to be a drag. I miss my True Religion shorts. And most of all, with Hard Summer and Outside Lands festival coming up in less than a month, I'm desperate. It's going to be ridiculously hot, and who wants to be covered in clothes? Certainly not me.

I realized something else that was important: exercise makes you stronger and certainly does help your metabolism but ultimately, 90% of weight loss actually comes from your daily diet. The food you consume on the daily basis, especially the amount of it. You can exercise as hard as you want to work towards your weight goal, but none of that will help if you don't stop eating shit. And I guess that's the problem I had while in college. My housemates and I would make pizza bagels, mac and cheese, and go to midnight runs to Taco Bell any time we got the munchies from a heavy smoke sesh. I ate like shit and didn't work out once during spring quarter, except I ran about 2 miles three times a week but that's all I really did. When you go from swimming 10,000 yards a day to doing nothing at all, it definitely catches up to you. It really does.

I can work out every day as hard as I want but if I'm not eating right, then there's no point. My weight will just stay the same. And I guess that's what my problem has been this whole time.

My goal is to lose at the very least, 6% of my body fat by this fall. I am currently at 25.1% body fat, but I am not really sure how accurate the BMI machine really is. So in the pictures posted above, if I have to describe the physical appearance of my body, it's actually pretty close in between to the pink and zebra print bikinis, probably a bit more fat, because I've got quite a gut going on.

It's not going to be easy. It's going to take so much hard work and dedication but if losing weight is something I want that badly, then I'm going to have to suffer. If I keep eating like shit, then it's obviously going to show that I don't care. You can only lose weight if it's something you really want, or if it's something you're going to care about.

I deserve to look awesome, and I deserve to look good in a pair of shorts. The only thing that's stopping me from feeling like so is myself.