Racial fetishization.

I used to joke about these things all the time but I realize now how serious racial fetishization really truly is. PoC aren't objects. They aren't accessories. Just because you're teaching yourself Japanese, watch anime, or only indulge in porn involving with Asians doesn't make you anymore "cultured" than the next person...if anything all you are doing is objectifying these different ethnicities, molding them into a fantasy your sick mind has conjured up. It's great taking an interest in a different culture...appropriation however, is not. I remember someone asked me awhile ago, "can you tell the differences between Asians, like if they specifically were Chinese, Filipinio, Japanese, Thai, Korean, or whatever? I assume you'd be able to tell right away because you're Asian yourself. Can Asians scope other Asians out and know what type of Asian they are right away?"

Let me tell you, I didn't know how to answer that question. I guess it was a fair question because they genuinely didn't know, but it's not something I've ever answered before in my life. I didn't even think it was an issue...trying to figure out which Asian was which. What kind of a game is that? "Guess the Asian"? "Name that Race"? What?

I guess I didn't realize it until now, but I, too, have been a victim of racial fetishization. I used to think it was flattering at first but awhile ago I realized how disgusting it actually was. I'm just another compliance to a fetishistic ideal. That's all I really am to these people. Do you think all the attention I got in the past from different male figures would've been possible had it not been for the fact that I am a certain specific ethnicity that they are looking for? Do you think someone would've given me a second glance if I WASN'T Korean? Do you think a guy would've asked me out if I were a different race? Let me guess...it actually WASN'T my amazing personality that you were attracted to, right?

I used to joke about how I needed to find a white Caucasian male who had mad 'yellow fever' because I myself racially fetishize white males, but now that I think about it, it's disgusting and demeaning on both ends. It's true, most of the types of men I find myself attracted to happen to be tall skinny white boys, or half-Asian half-white boys, but it doesn't justify anything. It's a wrong type of mindset, to treat someone as an accessory or a fantasy object. I myself can't be racially fetishized, nor racially fetishize someone else.

I hope one day I'll learn to be attracted to someone's persona, charisma, and the amount of love they have for me, rather than the fact that I just happen to be "their type," and vice versa. I know how cliche this must sound, and maybe I just have these thoughts at the moment because it's late and I'm tired and it's been a strange day altogether.