I think I have a fat crush on one of my editors on the newspaper staff. He is seriously one of the most adorable guys I'd ever met in my entire life. God...my underwear is twitching just thinking about him. When I first met him a few months at one of my first meetings when I joined the newspaper, I just thought for a fleeting second that he was pretty cute. But it wasn't until last week I realized how cute he really was. I noticed it especially this week. He gave up his seat next to him so that I could have a place to sit. That kind of shit is so fucking cute to me. All I could think about that entire meeting on Tuesday night was how fucking hot he was and how good he probably looked naked.

A guy as cute as him HAS to have a girlfriend...and we all know I have a rep for creepily obsessing over guys who have girlfriends.

We have an intramural softball team with the newspaper staff and he asked me if I was coming today but I fucking hate playing softball and I'm not really friends with anyone else on the staff really. I don't think I have any friends on the staff now that I think about it. Maybe I should go to the next game on Friday. Maybe that's my problem...I don't make an effort to open up and get to know fellow staff writers or any other people when joining a new club or environment. How would I expect to ever meet friends if I refuse to open up and be friendly with others? I mean I'm a very shy person initially...it took me about 6 months to really open up and be friendly with the college swim team last year. I can't help being so fucking shy.

I guess I'll go to softball next week if it means I may have a chance to talk to the editor a bit. I invited my housemate John to go with me because he's also in Student Media (he write for City on a Hill, another on campus student publication) and we're allowed to bring friends if they're willing to play. I just feel better in an environment automatically if I have a friend there with me. I'm just like that all the time in any social situation. He told me he was down and that he's willing to help by accompanying me to the softball game. I told him he needs to help Stella Get Her Groove Back. He laughed.

And I guess perhaps I'm also going to go see if my editor would possibly be into Asians, and if he's single. We'll see. But whenever I meet any guy that I am sort of interested in, it never fucking ends well. Or even start at all to begin with.

Therein lies my problem.