and i can't help but feel as though there's just too much my subconscious is telling me about reality. i don't know why i have to wait for a dream to tell me what is wrong. i need to get out of this. i really do. my dream was so lifelike last night and it was so frightening. it told me way too much. it showed me at the end that i was a fool for still holding onto hope. there's nothing. just move on already. leave. go. get out of this mess. now.
i have to stop. i have to get away. i've been dwelling on way too much and wasting so much time into something that's not going to ever happen. i've been bypassing so many aspects of my life to pay so much stupid attention on this. why? i've been wasting a year! what is going on? what is wrong with me? was my dream an intervention? that's what it had to have meant. i have to get over it. i wasted so much of what i knew could be a great time for me. i ruined it. i need to pay attention to my own life and at least salvage whatever's left of it. i need to focus on myself. i need to focus on the people in my life that actually matter to me. i've wasted so many months. why?
i'm done.
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